Me at 22
I've done some bad things. I haven’t been a good person; I don’t even think I am. I’m very possessive and clingy and jealous, and tend to depend on people more than I should. I might need you to tell me when I’m being too clingy, or manipulative, and I need constant reassurance you aren't going to leave me. I get really, really scared, okay?
I get so scared people will leave, and I act out to make them stay. I might need you to tell me when you’re not comfortable with that. I might get upset when you’re not comfortable with that, because you don’t understand, no one does, and I'm pretty sure I don’t particularly understand either.
I’m not even sure when this fear started, not really. and it gets bad. you might think it’s just a fear, but it gets really bad; I get paranoid. I have nightmares. I wake up at night and stay up because of that fear.
I promise I won’t be the crazy ex girlfriend I used to be. I promise I won’t be just your ‘crazy girlfriend,’ either. I’m more than my mental illness. I need you to know that because I don’t always know it myself.
I know everyone makes promises, but I’m not going to let it consume me. I can be good. I’m not always good - maybe I’m just pretending to be good - but I know there are good parts of me. For me, the bad cancels out the good; darkness is all consuming, and so is evil, but there are good parts of me.
I’m making a leap here, actually. Realizing there’s good in me. I can be generous and creative and sometimes I’m selfless, and I know I do care about people even though it’s not always obvious, you got to be really close, okay? You got to earn my trust. I don’t give it out like candy; I wish I did, though. I get really scared, like I said, and I overreact. I’m kind of a drama queen. I don’t always realize it, but that’s what I've been told.
So I’m gonna shut up now and ask you to be patient with me, because patience is something you’re going to need a lot.
I love you. I miss you, now. I hope you come soon, because I’m sort of drowning in loneliness here!!! I can’t wait to see you and date you and kiss you and love you, okay? We’re gonna go everywhere, we’re gonna see everyone. Okay. Bye.
I get so scared people will leave, and I act out to make them stay. I might need you to tell me when you’re not comfortable with that. I might get upset when you’re not comfortable with that, because you don’t understand, no one does, and I'm pretty sure I don’t particularly understand either.
I’m not even sure when this fear started, not really. and it gets bad. you might think it’s just a fear, but it gets really bad; I get paranoid. I have nightmares. I wake up at night and stay up because of that fear.
I promise I won’t be the crazy ex girlfriend I used to be. I promise I won’t be just your ‘crazy girlfriend,’ either. I’m more than my mental illness. I need you to know that because I don’t always know it myself.
I know everyone makes promises, but I’m not going to let it consume me. I can be good. I’m not always good - maybe I’m just pretending to be good - but I know there are good parts of me. For me, the bad cancels out the good; darkness is all consuming, and so is evil, but there are good parts of me.
I’m making a leap here, actually. Realizing there’s good in me. I can be generous and creative and sometimes I’m selfless, and I know I do care about people even though it’s not always obvious, you got to be really close, okay? You got to earn my trust. I don’t give it out like candy; I wish I did, though. I get really scared, like I said, and I overreact. I’m kind of a drama queen. I don’t always realize it, but that’s what I've been told.
So I’m gonna shut up now and ask you to be patient with me, because patience is something you’re going to need a lot.
I love you. I miss you, now. I hope you come soon, because I’m sort of drowning in loneliness here!!! I can’t wait to see you and date you and kiss you and love you, okay? We’re gonna go everywhere, we’re gonna see everyone. Okay. Bye.
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