Posts

Me at 22

I've done some bad things. I haven’t been a good person; I don’t even think I am. I’m very possessive and clingy and jealous, and tend to depend on people more than I should. I might need you to tell me when I’m being too clingy, or manipulative, and I need constant reassurance you aren't going to leave me. I get really, really scared, okay? I get so scared people will leave, and I act out to make them stay. I might need you to tell me when you’re not comfortable with that. I might get upset when you’re not comfortable with that, because you don’t understand, no one does, and I'm pretty sure I don’t particularly understand either. I’m not even sure when this fear started, not really. and it gets bad. you might think it’s just a fear, but it gets really bad; I get paranoid. I have nightmares. I wake up at night and stay up because of that fear. I promise I won’t be the crazy ex girlfriend I used to be. I promise I won’t be just your ‘crazy girlfriend,’ either. I’m more than ...

Look at it this way...

If you’re feeling down because of your mistake, and you regret doing it. You should realize that everyone makes mistakes, what matters most, is how you use it to shape your life. You don’t have to care on what others say about you. Because the more you care what they say, the more you become their prisoner. And if they really are good friends or group, they will not remind you of that mistake, but will pull you up from the dirt, help you and motivate you to try again. This way, you value your everything more, including them. :)

One Day Too Late

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Of all the things I regret the most I do wish I'd spend more time with you.  You never said "I'm leaving", you never said goodbye. You were gone before I knew it, and only God knew why. A million times I needed you, a million times I cried. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still; In my heart you hold a place, that no one could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone. For part of me went with you, the day God took you home. I remember when you used to tuck me in at night. Nobody else could ever know, this part of me that can't let go. 

Vivid Dreams (I think)

I think my brain is either stressed or overstimulated. I don't know which but I'm having this really extremely bizarre dreams lately. I did some research, but the dreams I have been having aren't like anything I can find online. They are not nightmares; the dreams don't terrify me into waking up shaking and clammy. I don't wake up and feel exhausted, nor do I confuse my dreams with reality in the slightest. The way they are extremely realistic is several ways...I won't tell what about though. As it mostly involve my past experiences.  The weird thing is, as real as they are, I am aware that my dreams are separate from reality, which is one major symptom some people have (*not* being able to distinguish, that is). I am not terrified by my dreams, so they aren't nightmares, where it is common for dreams to be vivid. I don't wake up feeling exhausted, rather I wake up refreshed. I don't dread going to sleep, and I'm also not an insomniac. I'm n...